OKURKOVY SALAT sterilovany s paprikou

Этикетка на банке "из-под чего-то", ныне используемой как пепельница:

        OKURKOVY SALAT
    sterilovany s paprikou

  Slozeni: 60% okurky, 40% plodova a cibulova zelenina.

[NEWS] PEPSI

^%$#^!!!!! Как это я проглядел такой сильный аргумент!!! PEPSI - дрянь, потому
что на нем (ней?) окрошку не сделаешь!!!!!!
 И вообще из пепси ни кожи ни рожи - кипятить нельзя, в радиатор автомобиля
зальешь - налет образуется (в этом смысле спрайт очень ничего), температура
замерзания уже при 0'C, пол помоешь - липнет, пепсиколовый компресс ни от чего
не помогает, куда ни прикладывай, женщины считали, что от беременности
предохраняет - туфта, в бутылку из-под него цветы поставишь - опрокидывается,
зубные протезы на ночь в нем оставишь - не очищаются (опять реклама обманула!),
со спиртным его только восьмиклассники разводят...

KONSPEKT ODNOGO KRUTOGO STUDENTA NA ODNOJ ZABOJNOJ LEKCII

Советы   первокурснику    или    варианты
конспектирования скучных лекций
Возможности   pyсского   языка   воистинy
неисчеpпаемы.   Вот   напpимеp   конспект
лекции (  газета "Унивеpситетская  жизнь"
от 09.12.91)

National Condom Week Slogans

     Cover your stump before you hump.

     Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.

     Don't be a loner, cover that boner.

     You can't go wrong if you shield your dong.

TESTERS REPORT PROBLEMS WITH WINDOWS TP BETA PART 2

   NEW YORK, Apr 1, Reuter - Microsoft's new Windows TP has a long
way to go before final release, say beta testers of the product.
Testers report numerous problems with the thought icons included
with the product.

   "I can see a fish tail representing some useful things, but the
Program Manager? It's just not intuitive," says Clyde Revlon, an MIS
specialist with McBalmy, Crain, and Larch. "Whoever came up with
these thought icons needs therapy. I'm sure the guy's Yorkshire
terrier is wonderful, but as the File Manager? A golden retriever I
could understand. And that sweater the terrier is wearing, it's just
too loud. Let me control the sweater."

TESTERS REPORT PROBLEMS WITH WINDOWS TP BETA

   NEW YORK, Apr 1, Reuter - Microsoft's new Windows TP has a long
way to go before final release, say beta testers of the product.
Testers report numerous problems with the thought icons included
with the product.

   "I can see a fish tail representing some useful things, but the
Program Manager? It's just not intuitive," says Clyde Revlon, an MIS
specialist with McBalmy, Crain, and Larch. "Whoever came up with
these thought icons needs therapy. I'm sure the guy's Yorkshire
terrier is wonderful, but as the File Manager? A golden retriever I
could understand. And that sweater the terrier is wearing, it's just
too loud. Let me control the sweater."

MICROSOFT ANNOUNCES BETA RELEASE OF WINDOWS TP

REDMOND, WA (JAN. 13) BUSINESS WIRE - Microsoft Corp. announced
Thursday that a beta release of Windows TP, the telepathic operating
system, was released to 1,500 test sites worldwide.

   Developed using the soon-to-be released Microsoft C for Neurons,
Windows TP bypasses awkward user interfaces by interacting directly
with the user's brain. Using the Microsoft MindMouse, users can
visualize images in their mind, and the application associated with
that image (or "thought icon") is executed. Users can visualize
pictures to create Windows Bitmap images, or think text directly into
Windows applications. Windows TP is fully compatible with all
previous versions of Windows.

ОС ДИСПАК

USER:      ДАЙ ДИРЬКУ!
ДИСПАК:    HЕТ ДИРЕК
USER:      ГДЕ ДИРЬКИ?
ДИСПАК:    <выдает список чего-то>

THE PROGRAMMER'S QUICK GUIDE TO THE LANGUAGES

The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem to
have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it
difficult to remember what language you're currently using. This handy
reference is offered as a public service to help programmers who find
themselves in such a dilemma.

TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot.